Leia schooled me in the customary terms and conditions of a producer attachment agreement, which binds personnel to a film project and establishes a baseline for performance, codifying the idea that people don’t get paid unless they actually do work. Due to a previous agreement I could not obtain the walk-on-water services of JC without a contract with Voldemort. And so Leia called up of Groucho Marx’s hologram and we proceeded to hammer out the contract in which the party of the first part agrees with parts of the party of the second part to assemble parts for a movie until such time as parting under the contract or proceeding to the movie party wherein the parties are satisfied. It was all perfectly clear, to Princess Leia, anyway.
Then it was back and forth with Voldemort over timelines and percentages. Leia ground him hard and he ended up accepting a reasonable percentage, far less than he originally expected, for finding half the money, a director, and a lead actor. And Jesus was now on our side, under contract, and free to spread the God Helmet gospel in Hollywood.
Little did I know what scheme Voldemort was plotting. In very little time, while guzzling champagne as the orchestra played and the evening sky
filled with stars, I would be tested again.